…God does not (Zephaniah 3:5; Deuteronomy 31:6).
For whatever reason over the past week (maybe it’s just my nerves), I’ve felt like everything I do is a screw up. I called my
boyfriend fiance (*excited sqeuak*) and woke him up, forgetting that he worked at 5:30 the next morning; I got to his house about 30 minutes too early to pick him up for church on Sunday (his car is currently broken down) because I forgot that did not, in fact, need to be there at 9am, but at 9:30am to cover for my friend to look after the toddlers in child care; I looked back on conversations I’d had during the week and felt like every word that had come out of my mouth was wrong; I watched at least two friends find jobs within a couple months, while I’ve remained unemployed, despite many interviews, for nearly eight months; I was discouraged by the fact that my son’s adoptive parents are separating when all I wanted was for him to have a family that wasn’t broken.
However, last night, as all of these thoughts were running amok through my mind like toddlers who’d been left without parental supervision (and felt just as destructive), I was reminded through songs that began playing on my iPod (thank you, Jesus) that God is always present, His love never fails, and He is in control; He has a plan even when, no, despite our failed attempts, despite who or what we think we are, and He is accomplishing His plan day by day, in His timing, for His purposes.
The lyrics to the song that came on were this:
“You’re greater than my yesterdays,
You hold me close today,
You’re the Lord of my tomorrows,
My heart will always say,
“Your mercy saved me,
Mercy made me whole.
Your mercy found me,
Called me as Your own.”
It is Mercy by Casting Crowns, if you were wondering. This reminder was incredible on a night when I thought I was going to burst from feeling like I’d failed in literally everything I’d ever done.
I had forgotten 1) that I am a broken person; 2) that, because of my brokenness, I cannot accomplish much on my own; 3) that it is precisely because I am, and everyone else is, broken that Jesus had to die; 4) that God is, always and forever, in control; 5) He has a plan; 6) He’s accomplishing it, yesterday, today, and tomorrow. It’s all part of His plan to bring His children to Him. I had also forgotten that every family is broken in some way, because we’re all broken. I couldn’t have given my son an unbroken family no matter how badly I wanted to. Even Jesus family was dysfunctional. I mean, his mother was a pregnant 14 year old who was unmarried, and his father nearly had her stoned for it. The whole thing was scandalous, but look what came out of it. Jesus Christ. And then He died so that all of us could be redeemed to the Father.
Simply being reminded of how amazing God is in spite of my own brokenness and imperfection was comfort when everything seemed to be crashing down around me.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” -Deut. 31:6
“…fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” -Isaiah 41:10
And, my personal favorite:
11 “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.'” -Jeremiah 29:11-13